He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
