super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
