Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
All I want is dick and wine.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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