God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
