Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
