My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
