i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
