im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
