Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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