Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
this just has baby written all over it
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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