I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
