Redeem this text for a blowjob
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
