Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
