please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
