Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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