My cat gives me a boner
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I smell like Dick and happiness
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
