not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
