If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
