Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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