I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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