Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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