I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
