I could make wine with my vomit
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
