I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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