so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
