before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
