she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
