And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
