I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
