its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
