I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
