I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
