Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
