My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
