I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
