Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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