The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
