all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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