where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
