Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
