I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
