he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
