but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
