you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
