Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just pee around me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
