there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
