he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
