I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
