The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
