Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
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