i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
