Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
