Just fell off a train. Bad.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
