the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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